A lot of people struggling with infertility are reluctant to share their problems for one reason or another. Wisehubby himself is extremely private and initially had no interest in telling anyone. Luckily for me, he loves me a ton, and so he has grinned and bared it as I have told a whole network of people in real life and online about our trials.
Coming out about our infertility has been a blessing for me. I haven't told everyone, frankly, because it really isn't everyone's business. As need and occasion has arisen, I have shared my story. I refuse to lie when it isn't necessary.
At work, I consider it necessary to keep this part of my life mostly private. I have shared our struggles in general terms with my boss, simply so that she knew that I wasn't ditching work for fun. During my IVF cycle, I told people who asked at work that I had a gynecological procedure. That stopped most of the questioning dead in its tracks. Since I work in a middle school, I do not feel it is appropriate for me to discuss my reproductive life with my colleagues; since I work with my husband, I owe him this privacy.
In general, I have told my friends when it has come up. When I had to explain why I may miss my tap recital at the city rec center, I admitted to a friend that I was going through IVF and had no clue about when my body would be ready for what. When another friend asked why she hadn't seen me smiling lately, I let her know that it was because we have been struggling with infertility.
I haven't regretted coming out to a single person, not even the friend who once told me that she thought it was unethical to pay for fertility treatments when you could adopt a child (side note: UGH! that's not fair at all). She was sensitive and supportive. She may or may not change her feelings about fertility treatments, but she knows now to lay off of the topic in my presence.
Instead of regret, I've really appreciated the huge support system that I have surrounding me. My friend from tap class came and spent an hour visiting with me on the day after my transfer, while I was on bed rest. My pastor has sent encouraging emails every few days. My mother-in-law has made dinners and given the best hugs. My dad called me a few nights ago to let me know how much he loves me. My mom has been fighting tooth and nail to make things right, even though she knows that she can't really fix anything. My sister has been beside herself trying to be sure that I'm doing ok. She even tried to pack up her toddler and drive an hour to see me on a week night last week--I stopped her. My closest male friend has known to be more supportive of Wisehubby. The list goes on, and on.
If you're dealing with infertility, you're going to have a really rocky road ahead of you. This road is going to be made worse because people don't know how to deal with it. People won't try to figure out how to be sensitive about infertility if you don't give them a heads up about needing extra TLC. You might as well let your friends and family know what is going on.
If people cause you to regret your decision of honesty, then you know that they were never worthy of your friendship. Probably, though, your friends always were good friends, and you'll be happy that they are on your side, armed with information.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Into the fire we went: Our marriage
Last Tuesday, Wisehubby and I had come to the devastating conclusion that we weren't going to be getting pregnant with our first IVF cycle. I had peed on a stick several times, and there wasn't anything going on. I felt decidedly not pregnant, and we began to reflect on what this meant for us.
We've not moved on to our next step; we haven't put away our picture of the Wise-embies that we lost. We haven't even gotten up the courage to call and schedule our follow-up meeting with our RE to talk about what went wrong.
We have decided on a couple of things though. This process, in its own strange way, has been a little bit good for our marriage, which is now at the four and a half year mark. We had a pretty easy go of it until last year, so we have been forging our marriage in the firestorm of infertility.
Wisehubby and I met in college, at a time of relative peace and happiness for both of us. We had both struggled with difficult family situations in high school--he was caught in a particularly nasty custody battle; my brother killed himself. By the time we met, we were both pretty happy to have put some distance between ourselves and our dark pasts.
Don't get me wrong--we've talked about our pasts, but we've generally been living happy lives. Wisehubby graduated first and got a job as a school teacher. We got engaged the summer before I graduated. We married when I was just twenty-two, a newly minted college graduate. I got a job soon thereafter, and then we bought our dream home. We adopted a puppy and later got a new car.
That's about time the firestorm started. If you want to read details of it, might I suggest the following posts: Male Factor Infertility, Out of Control, and Darkest Day. We've been struggling with our infertility now for a while, and we finally sat back and talked specifically about what it has been doing to our marriage.
Wisehubby and I agreed that, while our lives have been full of frustration, disappointment, and loss in the last year, our marriage has become a deeper partnership. We have made concerted efforts to understand how we both deal with darkness in our lives.
Wisehubby has learned to open up and create a network of friends and family for support, largely because he knows that I would collapse under the weight of it all if I didn't. He's graciously allowed me to tweet and blog, and share my story with many more people than he would have chosen to tell. He even stood there with me while I gave myself every shot. He has been my rock.
I've learned to give Wisehubby some space to process before instantly making him talk about things. He doesn't always know what he feels or wants to say right away. He may need a day or two of chilling, playing NCAA Football 2011 or watching Stormchasers, before he can meet me half-way and talk about stuff.
What I can say after coming out of the other side--at least for now--of all of our disappointment is that our marriage is stronger than ever. This last year has bonded us together in new ways that we couldn't have anticipated when we were young, carefree college students falling in love. Let's just pray that we're tough as steel since we've got a long fertility road ahead of us yet.
We've not moved on to our next step; we haven't put away our picture of the Wise-embies that we lost. We haven't even gotten up the courage to call and schedule our follow-up meeting with our RE to talk about what went wrong.
We have decided on a couple of things though. This process, in its own strange way, has been a little bit good for our marriage, which is now at the four and a half year mark. We had a pretty easy go of it until last year, so we have been forging our marriage in the firestorm of infertility.
Wisehubby and I met in college, at a time of relative peace and happiness for both of us. We had both struggled with difficult family situations in high school--he was caught in a particularly nasty custody battle; my brother killed himself. By the time we met, we were both pretty happy to have put some distance between ourselves and our dark pasts.
Don't get me wrong--we've talked about our pasts, but we've generally been living happy lives. Wisehubby graduated first and got a job as a school teacher. We got engaged the summer before I graduated. We married when I was just twenty-two, a newly minted college graduate. I got a job soon thereafter, and then we bought our dream home. We adopted a puppy and later got a new car.
That's about time the firestorm started. If you want to read details of it, might I suggest the following posts: Male Factor Infertility, Out of Control, and Darkest Day. We've been struggling with our infertility now for a while, and we finally sat back and talked specifically about what it has been doing to our marriage.
Wisehubby and I agreed that, while our lives have been full of frustration, disappointment, and loss in the last year, our marriage has become a deeper partnership. We have made concerted efforts to understand how we both deal with darkness in our lives.
Wisehubby has learned to open up and create a network of friends and family for support, largely because he knows that I would collapse under the weight of it all if I didn't. He's graciously allowed me to tweet and blog, and share my story with many more people than he would have chosen to tell. He even stood there with me while I gave myself every shot. He has been my rock.
I've learned to give Wisehubby some space to process before instantly making him talk about things. He doesn't always know what he feels or wants to say right away. He may need a day or two of chilling, playing NCAA Football 2011 or watching Stormchasers, before he can meet me half-way and talk about stuff.
What I can say after coming out of the other side--at least for now--of all of our disappointment is that our marriage is stronger than ever. This last year has bonded us together in new ways that we couldn't have anticipated when we were young, carefree college students falling in love. Let's just pray that we're tough as steel since we've got a long fertility road ahead of us yet.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Life after IVF
I actually had a pretty great first day post IVF. I started the morning without a shot for the first time in over a month. At work, I drank all the caffeine I wanted, and heavily medicated my sinus headache. I plotted with my friend to overthrow a committee. After school, I headed to meet a new bride for my wedding planning business. She's going to be such an easy going person to work with, and I can tell that she needs the support that I can offer her. I even looked awesome in a power dress and my black leather pumps. I painted my nails fresh and put on my wedding pearls.
On my way home, I chose to drive through Taco Delite for a taco plate. This local fast food chain is a sure winner in my book, and I knew that it would be the perfect end to a good day.
Then, I saw it. Sitting in the dining room of Taco Delite was a young couple, happily absorbed in their baby--well, and their tacos (they ARE delicious). A pang of incredible jealousy and sadness rushed through me.
So, I'm not doing great, but I can still take pleasure in my life. At least I got to wash those conflicting feelings down with a beer tonight.
On my way home, I chose to drive through Taco Delite for a taco plate. This local fast food chain is a sure winner in my book, and I knew that it would be the perfect end to a good day.
Then, I saw it. Sitting in the dining room of Taco Delite was a young couple, happily absorbed in their baby--well, and their tacos (they ARE delicious). A pang of incredible jealousy and sadness rushed through me.
So, I'm not doing great, but I can still take pleasure in my life. At least I got to wash those conflicting feelings down with a beer tonight.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Complete Quest For Wisebaby Timeline
I'm going to simplify my time line that is in my sidebar, but I want to keep track of my shots (42 for IVF 1, 368 for IVF 2) and countless other sticks, prods, and procedures.
April 2009--Quit birth control
May 2010--Actively started TTC
November 7, 2010--Positive pregnancy test
November 17, 2010--Miscarriage
June 2011--OB/GYN visit regarding our struggles TTC, referral to RE
June 2011--Blood tests for Wiselady, normal
June 2011--Sperm analysis for Wisehubby, abnormal morphology
June 2011--HSG for Wiselady, normal
July 2011--Meeting with RE, discuss IUI and IVF with ICSI
August 2011--Second sperm analysis, low-count, low motility, and low morphology, Meeting with RE, IUI ruled out, IVF with ICSI plan developed
August 2011--Office hysteroscopy for Wiselady, normal
August 2011--Transvaginal sonogram for Wiselady, normal
September 2011--Mock transfer for Wiselady, normal
October 3, 2011--CD 21, Start IVF cycle with transvaginal sonogram (two small cysts on right ovary) and lupron start appointment for Wiselady
October 4, 2011--CD 22, Lupron injection
October 5, 2011--CD 23, Lupron injection
October 6, 2011--CD 24, Lupron injection
October 7, 2011--CD 25, Lupron injection
October 8, 2011--CD 26, Lupron injection
October 9, 2011--CD 27, Lupron injection
October 10, 2011--CD 28, Lupron injection
October 11, 2011--CD 1, Lupron injection
October 12, 2011--CD 2, Lupron injection
October 13, 2011--CD 3, Lupron injection
October 14, 2011--CD 4, Lupron injection
October 15, 2011--CD 5, Lupron injection
October 16, 2011--CD 6, Lupron injection, Follistim injection
October 17, 2011--CD 7, Lupron injection, Follistim injection
October 18, 2011--CD 8, Lupron injection, Follistim injection
October 19, 2011--CD 9, Lupron injection, transvaginal sonogram and blood work for Wiselady, 17 follicles on left ovary, 17 follicles on right ovary, blood work good, dosage lowered, Follistim injection
October 20, 2011--CD 10, Lupron injection, Follistim injection
October 21, 2011--CD 11, Lupron injection, transvaginal sonogram and blood work for Wiselady, a lot of ripe follies on both ovaries, Follistim injection
October 22, 2011--CD 12, Lupron injection, transvaginal sonogram and blood work for Wiselady (both on target) , Follistim injection
October 23, 2011--CD 13, Lupron injection, Follistim injection
October 24, 2011--CD 14, Lupron injection, transvaginal sonogram and blood work for Wiselady (both on target), date set for egg retrieval, Ovidrel injection aka the trigger shot
October 25, 2011--CD 15, A rare day off--no meds. no appointments!!
October 26, 2011--CD 16, 33 eggs retrieved, 25 eggs fertilized, Wiselady's 26th half-birthday
October 27, 2011--CD 17, 1 DPR, 15 embryos growing, our wait begins
October 28, 2011--CD 18, 2 DPR, progesterone injection
October 29, 2011--CD 19, 3 DPR, 2 progesterone injections b/c Wisehubby mistakenly drew only 1/2 mg and didn't notice before he stuck me, 4 excellent embryos, 7 good embryos, 2 average embryos, and 2 poor embryos
October 30, 2011--CD 20, 4 DPR, progesterone injection
October 31, 2011--CD 21, Embryo Transfer of two beautiful embies, progesterone injection
November 1, 2011--1 DPT, progesterone injection, bed rest, no embryos for freezing
November 2, 2011--2 DPT, progesterone injection, AM bed rest, back to work
November 3, 2011--3 DPT, progesterone injection
November 4, 2011--4 DPT, progesterone injection
November 5, 2011--5 DPT, progesterone injection
November 6, 2011--6 DPT, progesterone injection, HPT BFN
November 7, 2011--7 DPT, progesterone injection, HPT BFN
November 8, 2011--8 DPT, progesterone injection, HPT BFN, Spotting
November 9, 2011--9 DPT, progesterone injection, pregnancy blood test, BFN, official fail/end of IVF w/ICSI #1
November 13, 2011--CD 1, first period after failed IVF cycle
November 28, 2011--WTF appointment with RE, no real answers
December 19, 2011--Follow-up with the urologist, decided to do varicocele repair surgery on Wisehubby, seven vials of blood drawn to check Wiselady for autoimmune disorders
December 28, 2011--Varicocele repair for Wisehubby
January 2, 2011--Emergency follow-up for Wisehubby, things don't look "normal" on one side, but Dr. B(alls) thinks that his testicles are functional
January 9, 2011--Post-op with Dr. B(alls), normal recovery on L, abnormal and slow recovery on R, things are improving
January 31, 2012--Follow-up with Dr. B(alls), abnormal recovery, but function is fine
February 22, 2012--Wiselady diagnosed with Factor V clotting disorder
April 10, 2012--Wisehubby is put into a holding pattern because of no improvement post-varicocele repair.
July 7, 2012--Wisehubby's semen analysis shows normal counts in all measures except morphology, which is still 0% normal. Holding pattern continues.
September 5, 2012--Wisehubby's final semen analysis leads to this advice from his urologist, "At this point, I've done all that I can. I'm sending you back to the male Dr. B with the recommendation of IVF with ICSI."
September 5, 2012--IVF Planning meeting with RE
September 18, 2012--Mock transfer and cervical dilation
September 25, 2012--CD 1
September 26, 2012--CD 2, FSH blood test, birth control pill, lovenox injection
September 27, 2012--CD 3, birth control pill, lovenox injection
September 28, 2012--CD 4, birth control pill, lovenox injection, a visit to the hospital to welcome my nephew into the world!
September 29, 2012--CD 5, birth control pill, lovenox injection
September 30, 2012--CD 6, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 1, 2012--CD 7, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 2, 2012--CD 8, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 3, 2012--CD 9, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 4, 2012--CD 10, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 5, 2012--CD 11, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 6, 2012--CD 12, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 7, 2012--CD 13, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 8, 2012--CD 14, birth control pill, lupron injection, transvaginal ultrasound, lovenox injection
October 9, 2012--CD 15, birth control pill, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 10, 2012--CD 16, birth control pill, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 11, 2012--CD 17, birth control pill, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 12, 2012--CD 18, birth control pill, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 13, 2012--CD 19, birth control pill, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 14, 2012--CD 20, birth control pill, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 15, 2012--CD 21, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 16, 2012--CD 22, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 17, 2012--CD 23, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 18, 2012--CD 1, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 19, 2012--CD 2, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 20, 2012--CD 3, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 21, 2012--CD 4, lupron injection, menopur injection, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 22, 2012--CD 5, lupron injection, menopur injection, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 23, 2012--CD 6, lupron injection, menopur injection, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 24, 2012--CD 7, lupron injection, transvaginal ultrasound, 12 follicles growing in each ovary, blood draw, follistim injection, menopur injection, lovenox injection
October 25, 2012--CD 8, lupron injection, menopur injection, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 26, 2012--CD 9, lupron injection, transvaginal ultrasound, blood draw, menopur injection, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 27, 2012--CD 10, lupron injection, transvaginal ultrasound, blood draw, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 28, 2012--CD 11, lupron injection, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 29, 2012--CD 12, lupron injection, transvaginal ultrasound, blood draw, ovidrel injection
October 30, 2012--CD 13, a rare day off!
October 31, 2012--CD 14, retrieval of 19 eggs, lovenox injection
November 1, 2012--CD 15, 19 eggs were mature and fertilized using ICSI, 13 show signs of growth today, lovenox injection
November 2, 2012--CD 16, crinone gel, lovenox
November 3, 2012--CD 17, crinone gel, lovenox, 8 excellent, 2 good, and 3 poor embryos
November 4, 2012--CD 18, crinone gel, lovenox
November 5, 2012--CD 19, transferred one AA blastocyst and one AB blastocyst, lovenox, bedrest
November 6, 2012--CD 20, 1 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox, bedrest
November 7, 2012--CD 21, 2 DPT, crinone gel, morning bedrest, lovenox
November 8, 2012--CD 22, 3 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox
November 9, 2012--CD 23, 4 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox
November 10, 2012--CD 24, 5 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox
November 11, 2012--CD 25, 6 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox, POAS BFP!
November 12, 2012--CD 26, 7 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox, POAS STILL BFP!
November 13, 2012--CD 27, 8 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox, POAS SERIOUSLY BFP!
November 14, 2012--CD 28, 9 DPT, crinone gel, pregnancy blood test BFP! (112 HCG), lovenox, POAS for fun
November 15, 2012--10 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox
November 16, 2012--11 DPT, crinone gel, beta blood test (260!), lovenox
November 17, 2012--12 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox
November 18, 2012--13 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 19, 2012--14 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 20, 2012--15 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 21, 2012--16 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 22, 2012--17 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 23, 2012--18 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 24, 2012--19 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 25, 2012--20 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 26, 2012--21 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 27, 2012--22 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 28, 2012--6 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
November 29, 2012--6 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
November 30, 2012--6 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 1, 2012--6 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 2, 2012--6 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 3, 2012--6 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
April 2009--Quit birth control
May 2010--Actively started TTC
November 7, 2010--Positive pregnancy test
November 17, 2010--Miscarriage
June 2011--OB/GYN visit regarding our struggles TTC, referral to RE
June 2011--Blood tests for Wiselady, normal
June 2011--Sperm analysis for Wisehubby, abnormal morphology
June 2011--HSG for Wiselady, normal
July 2011--Meeting with RE, discuss IUI and IVF with ICSI
August 2011--Second sperm analysis, low-count, low motility, and low morphology, Meeting with RE, IUI ruled out, IVF with ICSI plan developed
August 2011--Office hysteroscopy for Wiselady, normal
August 2011--Transvaginal sonogram for Wiselady, normal
September 2011--Mock transfer for Wiselady, normal
October 3, 2011--CD 21, Start IVF cycle with transvaginal sonogram (two small cysts on right ovary) and lupron start appointment for Wiselady
October 4, 2011--CD 22, Lupron injection
October 5, 2011--CD 23, Lupron injection
October 6, 2011--CD 24, Lupron injection
October 7, 2011--CD 25, Lupron injection
October 8, 2011--CD 26, Lupron injection
October 9, 2011--CD 27, Lupron injection
October 10, 2011--CD 28, Lupron injection
October 11, 2011--CD 1, Lupron injection
October 12, 2011--CD 2, Lupron injection
October 13, 2011--CD 3, Lupron injection
October 14, 2011--CD 4, Lupron injection
October 15, 2011--CD 5, Lupron injection
October 16, 2011--CD 6, Lupron injection, Follistim injection
October 17, 2011--CD 7, Lupron injection, Follistim injection
October 18, 2011--CD 8, Lupron injection, Follistim injection
October 19, 2011--CD 9, Lupron injection, transvaginal sonogram and blood work for Wiselady, 17 follicles on left ovary, 17 follicles on right ovary, blood work good, dosage lowered, Follistim injection
October 20, 2011--CD 10, Lupron injection, Follistim injection
October 21, 2011--CD 11, Lupron injection, transvaginal sonogram and blood work for Wiselady, a lot of ripe follies on both ovaries, Follistim injection
October 22, 2011--CD 12, Lupron injection, transvaginal sonogram and blood work for Wiselady (both on target) , Follistim injection
October 23, 2011--CD 13, Lupron injection, Follistim injection
October 24, 2011--CD 14, Lupron injection, transvaginal sonogram and blood work for Wiselady (both on target), date set for egg retrieval, Ovidrel injection aka the trigger shot
October 25, 2011--CD 15, A rare day off--no meds. no appointments!!
October 26, 2011--CD 16, 33 eggs retrieved, 25 eggs fertilized, Wiselady's 26th half-birthday
October 27, 2011--CD 17, 1 DPR, 15 embryos growing, our wait begins
October 28, 2011--CD 18, 2 DPR, progesterone injection
October 29, 2011--CD 19, 3 DPR, 2 progesterone injections b/c Wisehubby mistakenly drew only 1/2 mg and didn't notice before he stuck me, 4 excellent embryos, 7 good embryos, 2 average embryos, and 2 poor embryos
October 30, 2011--CD 20, 4 DPR, progesterone injection
October 31, 2011--CD 21, Embryo Transfer of two beautiful embies, progesterone injection
November 1, 2011--1 DPT, progesterone injection, bed rest, no embryos for freezing
November 2, 2011--2 DPT, progesterone injection, AM bed rest, back to work
November 3, 2011--3 DPT, progesterone injection
November 4, 2011--4 DPT, progesterone injection
November 5, 2011--5 DPT, progesterone injection
November 6, 2011--6 DPT, progesterone injection, HPT BFN
November 7, 2011--7 DPT, progesterone injection, HPT BFN
November 8, 2011--8 DPT, progesterone injection, HPT BFN, Spotting
November 9, 2011--9 DPT, progesterone injection, pregnancy blood test, BFN, official fail/end of IVF w/ICSI #1
November 13, 2011--CD 1, first period after failed IVF cycle
November 28, 2011--WTF appointment with RE, no real answers
December 19, 2011--Follow-up with the urologist, decided to do varicocele repair surgery on Wisehubby, seven vials of blood drawn to check Wiselady for autoimmune disorders
December 28, 2011--Varicocele repair for Wisehubby
January 2, 2011--Emergency follow-up for Wisehubby, things don't look "normal" on one side, but Dr. B(alls) thinks that his testicles are functional
January 9, 2011--Post-op with Dr. B(alls), normal recovery on L, abnormal and slow recovery on R, things are improving
January 31, 2012--Follow-up with Dr. B(alls), abnormal recovery, but function is fine
February 22, 2012--Wiselady diagnosed with Factor V clotting disorder
April 10, 2012--Wisehubby is put into a holding pattern because of no improvement post-varicocele repair.
July 7, 2012--Wisehubby's semen analysis shows normal counts in all measures except morphology, which is still 0% normal. Holding pattern continues.
September 5, 2012--Wisehubby's final semen analysis leads to this advice from his urologist, "At this point, I've done all that I can. I'm sending you back to the male Dr. B with the recommendation of IVF with ICSI."
September 5, 2012--IVF Planning meeting with RE
September 18, 2012--Mock transfer and cervical dilation
September 25, 2012--CD 1
September 26, 2012--CD 2, FSH blood test, birth control pill, lovenox injection
September 27, 2012--CD 3, birth control pill, lovenox injection
September 28, 2012--CD 4, birth control pill, lovenox injection, a visit to the hospital to welcome my nephew into the world!
September 29, 2012--CD 5, birth control pill, lovenox injection
September 30, 2012--CD 6, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 1, 2012--CD 7, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 2, 2012--CD 8, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 3, 2012--CD 9, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 4, 2012--CD 10, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 5, 2012--CD 11, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 6, 2012--CD 12, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 7, 2012--CD 13, birth control pill, lovenox injection
October 8, 2012--CD 14, birth control pill, lupron injection, transvaginal ultrasound, lovenox injection
October 9, 2012--CD 15, birth control pill, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 10, 2012--CD 16, birth control pill, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 11, 2012--CD 17, birth control pill, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 12, 2012--CD 18, birth control pill, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 13, 2012--CD 19, birth control pill, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 14, 2012--CD 20, birth control pill, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 15, 2012--CD 21, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 16, 2012--CD 22, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 17, 2012--CD 23, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 18, 2012--CD 1, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 19, 2012--CD 2, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 20, 2012--CD 3, lupron injection, lovenox injection
October 21, 2012--CD 4, lupron injection, menopur injection, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 22, 2012--CD 5, lupron injection, menopur injection, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 23, 2012--CD 6, lupron injection, menopur injection, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 24, 2012--CD 7, lupron injection, transvaginal ultrasound, 12 follicles growing in each ovary, blood draw, follistim injection, menopur injection, lovenox injection
October 25, 2012--CD 8, lupron injection, menopur injection, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 26, 2012--CD 9, lupron injection, transvaginal ultrasound, blood draw, menopur injection, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 27, 2012--CD 10, lupron injection, transvaginal ultrasound, blood draw, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 28, 2012--CD 11, lupron injection, follistim injection, lovenox injection
October 29, 2012--CD 12, lupron injection, transvaginal ultrasound, blood draw, ovidrel injection
October 30, 2012--CD 13, a rare day off!
October 31, 2012--CD 14, retrieval of 19 eggs, lovenox injection
November 1, 2012--CD 15, 19 eggs were mature and fertilized using ICSI, 13 show signs of growth today, lovenox injection
November 2, 2012--CD 16, crinone gel, lovenox
November 3, 2012--CD 17, crinone gel, lovenox, 8 excellent, 2 good, and 3 poor embryos
November 4, 2012--CD 18, crinone gel, lovenox
November 5, 2012--CD 19, transferred one AA blastocyst and one AB blastocyst, lovenox, bedrest
November 6, 2012--CD 20, 1 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox, bedrest
November 7, 2012--CD 21, 2 DPT, crinone gel, morning bedrest, lovenox
November 8, 2012--CD 22, 3 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox
November 9, 2012--CD 23, 4 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox
November 10, 2012--CD 24, 5 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox
November 11, 2012--CD 25, 6 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox, POAS BFP!
November 12, 2012--CD 26, 7 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox, POAS STILL BFP!
November 13, 2012--CD 27, 8 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox, POAS SERIOUSLY BFP!
November 14, 2012--CD 28, 9 DPT, crinone gel, pregnancy blood test BFP! (112 HCG), lovenox, POAS for fun
November 15, 2012--10 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox
November 16, 2012--11 DPT, crinone gel, beta blood test (260!), lovenox
November 17, 2012--12 DPT, crinone gel, lovenox
November 18, 2012--13 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 19, 2012--14 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 20, 2012--15 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 21, 2012--16 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 22, 2012--17 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 23, 2012--18 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 24, 2012--19 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 25, 2012--20 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 26, 2012--21 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 27, 2012--22 DPT crinone gel, lovenox
November 28, 2012--6 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
November 29, 2012--6 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
November 30, 2012--6 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 1, 2012--6 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 2, 2012--6 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 3, 2012--6 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 4, 2012--6 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 5, 2012--7 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, obstetrical ultrasound (heart rate 131 BPM and measuring 10.58 mm), lovenox
December 6, 2012--7 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 7, 2012--7 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 8, 2012--7 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 9, 2012--7 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 10, 2012--7 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 11, 2012--7 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 12, 2012--8 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 13, 2012--8 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 14, 2012--8 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 15, 2012--8 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 16, 2012--8 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 17, 2012--8 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 18, 2012--8 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 19, 2012--9 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, first visit with my obstetrician, vaginal exam and culture, lovenox
December 20, 2012--9 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, visit to my GP for an upper respiratory infection, Z-pack, nasal spray, lovenox
December 20, 2012--9 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, visit to my GP for an upper respiratory infection, Z-pack, nasal spray, lovenox
December 21, 2012--9 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, Z-pack, nasal spray, lovenox
December 22, 2012--9 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, Z-pack, nasal spray, lovenox
December 23, 2012--9 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, Z-pack, nasal spray, lovenox
December 24, 2012--9 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, Z-pack, nasal spray, lovenox
December 25, 2012--9 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 26, 2012--10 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 28, 2012--10 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 29, 2012--10 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 30, 2012--10 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
December 31, 2012--10 weeks pregnant! crinone gel, lovenox
January 1, 2013--10 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 2, 2013--11 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 3, 2013--11 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 4, 2013--11 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 5, 2013--11 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 6, 2013--11 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 7, 2013--11 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 8, 2013--11 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 9, 2013--12 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 10, 2013--12 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 11, 2013--12 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 12, 2013--12 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 13, 2013--12 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 14, 2013--12 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 15, 2013--12 weeks pregnant! lovenox
January 16, 2013--13 weeks pregnant! Trip to OB, first doppler (148 BPM), blood draw (anemic), lovenox
January 17-22, 2013--13 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
January 23-29, 2013--14 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
January 30-February 5, 2013--15 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
February 6-12, 2013--16 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
February 13, 2013--17 weeks pregnant! Trip to OB, doppler (142 BPM), lovenox and iron
February 14-19, 2013--17 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
February 20-26, 2013--18 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
February 27, 2013--19 weeks pregnant! Trip to sonographer (11 ounces, 142 BPM, it's a boy!), lovenox and iron
February 28-March 5, 2013--19 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
March 6-12, 2013--20 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
March 13-19, 2013--21 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
March 18, 2013--OB appointment, 148 BPM
March 20-26, 2013--22 Weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
March 27-April 2, 2013--23 Weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
April 3-9, 2013--24 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
April 10-16, 2013--25 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
April 17-23, 2013--26 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
April 18, 2013--OB appointment, 150 BPM, glucose test (good), blood test (anemic)
April 23, 2013--Bizarre headache with sparkles in vision and speech aphasia, resolves itself
April 24-30, 2013--27 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
May 1-7, 2013--28 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
May 6, 2013--Second bizarre headache sends us to the emergency room where we learn that baby is doing great
May 8-14, 2013--29 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
May 8, 2013--Neurologist confirms that bizarre headaches are just weird migraines.
May 15-21, 2013--30 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
May 16, 2013--OB appointment, 132 BPM
May 22-28, 2013--31 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
May 29-June 4, 2013--32 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
May 30, 2013--OB appointment, 134 BPM
June 5-11, 2013--33 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
June 12-18, 2013--34 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
June 13, 2013--OB appointment, 146 BPM
June 19-25, 2013--35 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
June 26, 2013--Start of maternity leave because the school year finally wraps up
June 26-July 2, 2013--36 weeks pregnant! twice daily heparin shots and iron
June 27, 2013--OB appointment, cervical exam, head down, 1-2 cm dialated, 80% effaced, guessed to weigh 6 lbs.
June 28, 2013--lost mucus plug and packed suitcase, started heparin
July 3-7, 2013--37 weeks pregnant! twice daily heparin shots and iron
July 8, 2013--37 weeks 5 days pregnant! one heparin shot, iron, 10:45 AM doctor's visit, 4 cm dialated, 90% effaced, 4:15 PM water breaks, 10:15 PM delivery of a healthy baby boy
July 9-August 19, 2013--First 6 weeks as a mommy! daily lovenox shots
June 16, 2014--FET planning meeting
January 23-29, 2013--14 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
January 30-February 5, 2013--15 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
February 6-12, 2013--16 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
February 13, 2013--17 weeks pregnant! Trip to OB, doppler (142 BPM), lovenox and iron
February 14-19, 2013--17 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
February 20-26, 2013--18 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
February 27, 2013--19 weeks pregnant! Trip to sonographer (11 ounces, 142 BPM, it's a boy!), lovenox and iron
February 28-March 5, 2013--19 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
March 6-12, 2013--20 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
March 13-19, 2013--21 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
March 18, 2013--OB appointment, 148 BPM
March 20-26, 2013--22 Weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
March 27-April 2, 2013--23 Weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
April 3-9, 2013--24 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
April 10-16, 2013--25 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
April 17-23, 2013--26 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
April 18, 2013--OB appointment, 150 BPM, glucose test (good), blood test (anemic)
April 23, 2013--Bizarre headache with sparkles in vision and speech aphasia, resolves itself
April 24-30, 2013--27 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
May 1-7, 2013--28 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
May 6, 2013--Second bizarre headache sends us to the emergency room where we learn that baby is doing great
May 8-14, 2013--29 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
May 8, 2013--Neurologist confirms that bizarre headaches are just weird migraines.
May 15-21, 2013--30 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
May 16, 2013--OB appointment, 132 BPM
May 22-28, 2013--31 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
May 29-June 4, 2013--32 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
May 30, 2013--OB appointment, 134 BPM
June 5-11, 2013--33 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
June 12-18, 2013--34 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
June 13, 2013--OB appointment, 146 BPM
June 19-25, 2013--35 weeks pregnant! daily lovenox shots and iron
June 26, 2013--Start of maternity leave because the school year finally wraps up
June 26-July 2, 2013--36 weeks pregnant! twice daily heparin shots and iron
June 27, 2013--OB appointment, cervical exam, head down, 1-2 cm dialated, 80% effaced, guessed to weigh 6 lbs.
June 28, 2013--lost mucus plug and packed suitcase, started heparin
July 3-7, 2013--37 weeks pregnant! twice daily heparin shots and iron
July 8, 2013--37 weeks 5 days pregnant! one heparin shot, iron, 10:45 AM doctor's visit, 4 cm dialated, 90% effaced, 4:15 PM water breaks, 10:15 PM delivery of a healthy baby boy
July 9-August 19, 2013--First 6 weeks as a mommy! daily lovenox shots
June 16, 2014--FET planning meeting
July 2, 2014--FSH blood test, normal
July 7, 2014--Hysteroscopy, normal
July 21, 2014--Mock transfer for FET
July 28, 2014--Start FET cycle with estradiol and lovenox
July 28-August 8, 2014--Daily estradiol pills and lovenox
August 8, 2014--Transvaginal sono
August 9-15, 2014--Daily estradiol pills, lovenox injection, and progesterone in oil injection
August 15, 2014--Frozen Embryo Transfer of one beautiful day 6 blast that had just started hatching
August 15-September 2, 2014--Daily estradiol pills, lovenox injection, and progesterone in oil injection
September 2, 2014--HSG Blood Test, levels good
September 4, 2014--HSG Blood Test, levels not rising fast enough
September 8, 2014--HSG Blood Test, levels not rising fast enough
September 10, 2014--Sono shows a slow growing gestational sack
September 24, 2014--Sono shows a fetus with no heart beat
September 2-24, 2014--Daily estradiol pills, lovenox injection, and progesterone in oil injection
September 25, 2014--Stop all medicine to invite miscarriage
September 29, 2014--Began to miscarry
September 29, 2014--Began to miscarry
A quake and its aftershock
I've got family and friends who live in Oklahoma, and so I have been keeping an eye on the earthquakes they've been having there this week. That entire state is going through mother nature's sick, twisted games.
Last weekend, they had a freeze, earthquakes, and tornadoes all in the matter of three days. This is in a state that never quite recovers from the last devastating fire/drought/ices storm/tornado/hottest summer on record before mother nature unleashes the next surprise. The earthquakes are definitely the shit sprinkles on top of their shit cupcake of natural disasters.
My life has been a lot like Oklahoma in the last year since our miscarriage, and I keep thinking that I'm going to catch a break just around the next corner. I was practically perky during my IVF cycle, which I don't think is a normal emotional response to being constantly prodded in your uterus, stuck with needles, and pumped full of hormones. My positive attitude was a direct result of thinking that I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Instead, we had another earthquake yesterday morning. On my potty run in between Student Council and first period, I noticed that I had started bleeding; my world was shaken apart. It turned out to just be spotting, but, combined with three big, fat negatives (BFN) on home pregnancy tests, I knew that my hope was unfounded. This was not going to be a happy ending. Our Wise-embies didn't take hold in my uterus. Our family is going to be just two people for another year.
The aftershock came today. I had to go into my RE's for a blood test anyway, even though I knew exactly what was going on with my body. "Well, you need to complete your file. Plus, you never know," says the unhelpful nurse.
So, in between our end-of-the-day tornado drill and practice lock-down drill--what is our world coming too?--I finally heard back from the RE. Sure enough, it's a negative. My world was rocked, but just a little. I'm not even shocked.
So, I texted my support group, which grew leaps and bounds throughout the process, to let them know what was up. I arranged for Wisehubby to eat dinner with my in-laws, since I have to go to my graduate class, where I happen to be typing this blog. I found Wisehubby before I left for the day, told him the news, gave him a big hug, and left him still shaking.
What am I going to do after my earthquakes? Maybe I'll weep and cry and gnash my teeth. Maybe I'll come up with a new action plan.
Let's just hope that a tornado doesn't blow through.
Last weekend, they had a freeze, earthquakes, and tornadoes all in the matter of three days. This is in a state that never quite recovers from the last devastating fire/drought/ices storm/tornado/hottest summer on record before mother nature unleashes the next surprise. The earthquakes are definitely the shit sprinkles on top of their shit cupcake of natural disasters.
My life has been a lot like Oklahoma in the last year since our miscarriage, and I keep thinking that I'm going to catch a break just around the next corner. I was practically perky during my IVF cycle, which I don't think is a normal emotional response to being constantly prodded in your uterus, stuck with needles, and pumped full of hormones. My positive attitude was a direct result of thinking that I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Instead, we had another earthquake yesterday morning. On my potty run in between Student Council and first period, I noticed that I had started bleeding; my world was shaken apart. It turned out to just be spotting, but, combined with three big, fat negatives (BFN) on home pregnancy tests, I knew that my hope was unfounded. This was not going to be a happy ending. Our Wise-embies didn't take hold in my uterus. Our family is going to be just two people for another year.
The aftershock came today. I had to go into my RE's for a blood test anyway, even though I knew exactly what was going on with my body. "Well, you need to complete your file. Plus, you never know," says the unhelpful nurse.
So, in between our end-of-the-day tornado drill and practice lock-down drill--what is our world coming too?--I finally heard back from the RE. Sure enough, it's a negative. My world was rocked, but just a little. I'm not even shocked.
So, I texted my support group, which grew leaps and bounds throughout the process, to let them know what was up. I arranged for Wisehubby to eat dinner with my in-laws, since I have to go to my graduate class, where I happen to be typing this blog. I found Wisehubby before I left for the day, told him the news, gave him a big hug, and left him still shaking.
What am I going to do after my earthquakes? Maybe I'll weep and cry and gnash my teeth. Maybe I'll come up with a new action plan.
Let's just hope that a tornado doesn't blow through.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
6 Days Post 5 Day Transfer
It's six days after my day five transfer (6dp5dt) of two blastocysts into my womb. I feel tired and emotional. I feel wiped. I don't feel particularly hopeful.
This morning, I caved and took a home pregnancy test (HPT) and it was a big, fat negative (BFN). I know that it was early, and I could get a positive by peeing on a stick (POAS) tomorrow or Tuesday or in my blood test on Wednesday. However, I just feel incredibly defeated. It doesn't help that we're creeping up on the anniversary of my miracle pregnancy and miscarriage. The feelings I'm having are bringing back a whole host of nasty feelings from last year, too.
I'm trying to focus on my head, which says there's still a chance. I'm not being very successful at convincing my hormonal heart, though.
After my BFN, I decided to go back to bed. I had dreams about positive pregnancy tests that felt real. I almost got up and POAS again to see if maybe I had just done it wrong the first time. It was a little devastating.
At church, there were two baptisms and confirmation, both milestones I hope to celebrate someday with my children. The closing song was "This Little Light of Mine". I couldn't choke out the words, lest I burst into tears in the fourth row of a very crowded sanctuary.
I am going to take a nap, get my work down, and pray that tomorrow morning will yield two pink lines.
This morning, I caved and took a home pregnancy test (HPT) and it was a big, fat negative (BFN). I know that it was early, and I could get a positive by peeing on a stick (POAS) tomorrow or Tuesday or in my blood test on Wednesday. However, I just feel incredibly defeated. It doesn't help that we're creeping up on the anniversary of my miracle pregnancy and miscarriage. The feelings I'm having are bringing back a whole host of nasty feelings from last year, too.
I'm trying to focus on my head, which says there's still a chance. I'm not being very successful at convincing my hormonal heart, though.
After my BFN, I decided to go back to bed. I had dreams about positive pregnancy tests that felt real. I almost got up and POAS again to see if maybe I had just done it wrong the first time. It was a little devastating.
At church, there were two baptisms and confirmation, both milestones I hope to celebrate someday with my children. The closing song was "This Little Light of Mine". I couldn't choke out the words, lest I burst into tears in the fourth row of a very crowded sanctuary.
I am going to take a nap, get my work down, and pray that tomorrow morning will yield two pink lines.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
The Tale of Two Wise-embies
It was the best of times; it was the worst of times; it was the time for making babies; it was the time for emptying our wallets.
On Wednesday, my half-birthday, with the help of an anesthesiologist, I took a nap while my RE used a big needle to suck thirty-three eggs out of my swollen ovaries. Meanwhile, Wisehubby braved the ubiquitous man-room of the fertility clinic.
The nurses gave my eggs and Wisehubby's man stuff to a helpful lab rat. She washed and sorted the man stuff to find the best, albeit misshapen, sperm. She used a tiny needle and a powerful microscope to inject twenty-five eggs with sperm for fertilization.
Wisehubby took me home and put me to bed, as I was sore and achy. He pampered me and worried as we waited for a phone call from the lab.
At work the next morning, in the midst of teaching precocious seventh and eighth grade students, the lab rats gave us a call. Fifteen of our embryo babies (embies) were growing, safe and warm in a Petri dish just a few miles away. We were elated, but we couldn't celebrate just yet. Work has a pesky habit of getting in the way.
On Saturday, we received a call that graded our three-day old embies, which were about eight cells big. Four of them were excellent, seven were good, two were average, and two were poor. Wisehubby and I felt relieved, what infertility overachievers our embies were proving to be!
On Monday, we went back to the fertility clinic for a transfer of two embies into their new home, my womb! The nurse gave me a Valium--a first--so that I would stay relaxed during the process. The head lab rat brought us a picture of the two best embies, our Wise-embies ready for transfer. He showed us how the one on the left was stronger than the one on the right because of a stronger outer shell of cells.
Wisehubby and I put on hair nets and our gowns for surgery over our street clothes. I laid down on the bed, and Wisehubby helped the nurses push me into the operating room. They got me all positioned and turned on a monitor for Wisehubby and I to watch the transfer live.
First, they showed us our embies in their dish, all ready to go. The bottom of our dish was labeled with our last name--thank goodness, because Wisehubby was really worried that they might give us someone else's embies. Then, they zoomed in so we could see our embies floating placidly in the dish.
The moment of truth was upon us. They switched to the ultrasound view, and inserted the speculum,
**Side note: I think is that is the WORST part of the whole IVF process. I hate speculums.*** The RE inserted a catheter, which you could watch snaking into my uterus on the screen. Apparently, my bladder was too full and pushing on my uterus, so the RE was struggling to get the catheter in position. Out went the first speculum and in went a second, BIGGER speculum. Ouch. The RE repositioned the catheter and it really was the moment of truth.
The lab rat brought in our embies and gave them to our RE. I was a little bothered that someone without an MD--he's a PhD--was allowed to see my lady bits, but the Valium and the impending transfer of my Wise-embies kept me from protesting.
We watched the grainy screen for about ten seconds, but nothing seemed to change. The RE claimed it was over and removed the catheter and the speculum. Luckily, he had the sonographer rewind and show us exactly the moment of transfer. She was right; there was a little flash at the end of the catheter. Our Wise-embies had reached their destination.
Now, all we can do is stare at our picture of our Wise-embies and think longingly about baby names until we take our first pregnancy test.
Let's just hope this Tale of Two Wise-embies ends happily with them deciding that my womb would make a good home for nine months. Then, it really will be the best of times.
On Wednesday, my half-birthday, with the help of an anesthesiologist, I took a nap while my RE used a big needle to suck thirty-three eggs out of my swollen ovaries. Meanwhile, Wisehubby braved the ubiquitous man-room of the fertility clinic.
The nurses gave my eggs and Wisehubby's man stuff to a helpful lab rat. She washed and sorted the man stuff to find the best, albeit misshapen, sperm. She used a tiny needle and a powerful microscope to inject twenty-five eggs with sperm for fertilization.
Wisehubby took me home and put me to bed, as I was sore and achy. He pampered me and worried as we waited for a phone call from the lab.
At work the next morning, in the midst of teaching precocious seventh and eighth grade students, the lab rats gave us a call. Fifteen of our embryo babies (embies) were growing, safe and warm in a Petri dish just a few miles away. We were elated, but we couldn't celebrate just yet. Work has a pesky habit of getting in the way.
On Saturday, we received a call that graded our three-day old embies, which were about eight cells big. Four of them were excellent, seven were good, two were average, and two were poor. Wisehubby and I felt relieved, what infertility overachievers our embies were proving to be!
On Monday, we went back to the fertility clinic for a transfer of two embies into their new home, my womb! The nurse gave me a Valium--a first--so that I would stay relaxed during the process. The head lab rat brought us a picture of the two best embies, our Wise-embies ready for transfer. He showed us how the one on the left was stronger than the one on the right because of a stronger outer shell of cells.
Wisehubby and I put on hair nets and our gowns for surgery over our street clothes. I laid down on the bed, and Wisehubby helped the nurses push me into the operating room. They got me all positioned and turned on a monitor for Wisehubby and I to watch the transfer live.
First, they showed us our embies in their dish, all ready to go. The bottom of our dish was labeled with our last name--thank goodness, because Wisehubby was really worried that they might give us someone else's embies. Then, they zoomed in so we could see our embies floating placidly in the dish.
The moment of truth was upon us. They switched to the ultrasound view, and inserted the speculum,
**Side note: I think is that is the WORST part of the whole IVF process. I hate speculums.*** The RE inserted a catheter, which you could watch snaking into my uterus on the screen. Apparently, my bladder was too full and pushing on my uterus, so the RE was struggling to get the catheter in position. Out went the first speculum and in went a second, BIGGER speculum. Ouch. The RE repositioned the catheter and it really was the moment of truth.
The lab rat brought in our embies and gave them to our RE. I was a little bothered that someone without an MD--he's a PhD--was allowed to see my lady bits, but the Valium and the impending transfer of my Wise-embies kept me from protesting.
We watched the grainy screen for about ten seconds, but nothing seemed to change. The RE claimed it was over and removed the catheter and the speculum. Luckily, he had the sonographer rewind and show us exactly the moment of transfer. She was right; there was a little flash at the end of the catheter. Our Wise-embies had reached their destination.
Now, all we can do is stare at our picture of our Wise-embies and think longingly about baby names until we take our first pregnancy test.
Let's just hope this Tale of Two Wise-embies ends happily with them deciding that my womb would make a good home for nine months. Then, it really will be the best of times.
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