When you least expect it...

Here's a post that I wrote back on December 14, 2014:

As I grieved the loss of our miscarriage a few months ago, my sister told me that I could accept that this was it--that we were to be a family of three--but that she refused to accept it. She was convinced that we would end up pregnant when we least expected it. She imagined that our son would be headed off to college when we became pregnant. Her first prediction was right. Her second? Not as accurate.

The ACOG suggests you wait three months after a miscarriage to try to conceive again. Three separate doctors have reviewed our records and indicated that it is highly unlikely that we could ever conceive without intervention. Two doctors want me on Lovenox, a powerful blood thinner, when I am pregnant to prevent clots and loss. I had decided to take some time off of my prenatal vitamin and go back on caffeine and alcohol pretty hard for me. I was definitely not expecting a late period just one month after my cycle reset. Nor did I expect an elicit run to the drug store while on vacation with my in laws. Nor a positive pregnancy test while bathing our son.

Holy shit! We are pregnant, and we definitely didn't expect it.

Our Little Engine that Could

Praise and thanksgiving! Our Little Engine that Could is making slow progress safe and sound in my uterus. I have an at risk pregnancy, but a pregnancy, nonetheless. I'm 6w3d pregnant from my FET, but the gestational sack and yolk sack measured proportionally at 5w2d. The amazing ultrasound technician said that there is a margin of error of about a week, and that she has seen slow developers go on to be healthy pregnancies before. She didn't make promises, but she said to be hopeful for two weeks until we return.

Dr. B basically said everything that the sonographer said, but with less tact. He was fairly polite for himself, but he just drops bombs in a way that Wisesister thinks is unnecessary, and I am inclined to agree with her. For example, he could have avoided scaring me half to death that I was having an ectopic pregnancy and was facing internal bleeding and certain loss. All he had to do was say, "Your blood work is irregular. Let's bring you in for a sono to learn more!" He did suggest that in his experience about 50% of cases like mine result in healthy pregnancies, which is a big improvement over the 15% we had been hearing for the last week.

We're proceeding as if we have a healthy baby. In two weeks, we'll have a make or break sono where we will learn if there is a fetus developing slowly in the the yolk sack. If there is a fetus and a heart beat, we won't necessarily be out of the woods, but it will be 8w3d, and that's a pretty great place to be. If not, then we'll know that we've lost the pregnancy and we'll be able to grieve and start to decide where to go from there.

19 Weeks

Every morning I wake up, say a little prayer, put my hand on my belly, and remember that my dreams are coming true. The bump is definitely growing; there is no denying that our quest for Wisebaby is more than halfway done.

Ok, so gestationally speaking, at 19 weeks 1 day, I am a few days shy of halfway, but our journey has been too long to count in weeks, so I feel more than half through.

Everyone keeps asking if I feel ok; the sonographer asked if we were always so calm. The truth is that even though we're 19 weeks into our pregnancy, everyday feels like a very special miracle, and all of the little annoying things about pregnancy don't even register when I'm watching my belly grow because of a little baby boy--that's right, it's a boy! I am too awestruck to be weepy or antsy. Just like on the day that Wisehubby proposed to me, I am mostly at a loss for the right words to describe the peace and happiness that God has brought into our lives as we begin to transition our lives into their next incredible stage.

Speaking of the sonogram, we had our anatomy scan and everything about our little boy seems completely perfect. On our 19 week mark, he measured a little ahead of schedule, 19 weeks 4 days, weighing in at 11 ounces. His head is on my left side, and he is lying on his back. There are four chambers in his heart, he's got a brain growing strong, his kidneys are there, the stomach is clear, and his cord blood is flowing properly. He's got two arms and legs, ten fingers and ten toes. He used his little hand to wave at us and then he stuck out his tongue. We could even see his little face. We're completely in love with this little guy, and all we've see of him have been a few grainy pictures and a glamour shot of him way back when he was growing in the petri dish.

Now that I've written this post, maybe I'll not have to touch my belly tomorrow morning to check to see if this all is real or not. I doubt it though; it is nice to have a reminder that your dreams are coming true.

Post-script: We're also 189 shots in! Sweet Wisebaby is worth every prick.

Sick and tired

It's official: I am sick and tired. Not of being pregnant, although that is certainly contributing to the tired aspect. I'm actually sick, like porcupines have danced in my throat and the mucus is trying to drown me slowly sick. It came on fast, but I chose wisely to go see my doctor and get a note off from work for today--Merry Christmas!

Anyway, in all of this complaining about my upper respiratory infection, I actually do have some updates on the pregnancy front. We went to our first regular obstetric appointment on Wednesday, at exactly 9 weeks pregnant. Since we had an ultrasound at week 7 and everything looked great, this was just a vaginal exam and culture and a chance to talk with Dr. B about what to expect over the next seven months. Yes, we're only seven months away from the arrival of Wisebaby! Eek!

I was hoping that she would say that I could stop Crinone, but, to no avail, I have ten more days of the nasty stuff. I was also hoping that she would agree with the OBs of my fellow heterozygous Factor V'ers (Wisesister and my bestie from HS) and take me off of Lovenox. That was also to no avail. I appreciate the caution, as I don't want to lose Wisebaby or end up with some sort of life-endangering clot myself. I don't appreciate the fact that I will have been on Lovenox for almost a calendar year when this is all said and done. It's expensive; it's painful; it makes me want to cry a little.

On the Factor V front, the other thing that Dr. B wants to do is schedule an inducement for week 38-39 so that she can switch me to Heparin, which is a twice a day blood thinner, a few weeks before my delivery, and then off of it, timed perfectly, for delivery. As she said, she'd rather control the situation to preserve my cardio-pulmonary system and protect Wisebaby. Again, I appreciate that, but it will definitely be a different experience than the one that I had in my head. Of course, I don't know why I should have expected anything different since nothing about our Quest for Wisebaby has played out the way it should have.

So, Wisebaby is due on July 24, so his/her arrival should be scheduled sometime between July 10-17, just in time for my niece's third birthday. Until then, I'm going to hope to continue to be tired for then next few weeks, but praying that I won't get any more sick.

An Ace in the Hole

We've been calling our Wisembies Ace and Base over the last few weeks, and today we got to see for sure if one or both of them stuck.

Our sonographer was running behind, so it was maybe more hurried than we had anticipated because I needed to get back to my school by 1:05 for my sixth period class. She did give me a big hug and a congratulations, which felt so real and genuine  Wisehubby and I both agree that she is by far the best part of our fertility clinic.

Anyway, the big news is that we have an Ace in the hole! One of our Wisembies implanted and flourished. We were exactly 7 weeks today, but little Ace is measuring 7 weeks 1 day, and his heart rate (131.58) is very strong. We could see his heart beating with no problem, and it was crazy that we could see the yolk sack and umbilical cord distinct from Ace's little blobby body. He measured 10.81 millimeters long!

We feel like we've been playing the long game and have finally scored; it is amazing to see that something you have chased after for so long is truly coming to fruition. We know that the weeks and months ahead of us are long, and uncertain, but we're excited for this next phase in our quest for Wisebaby!

Relaxing a touch

I'm relaxing a touch now that we've gotten through both blood tests, and my HCG levels are rising appropriately. I cannot wait to see the Wisebaby(ies) via ultrasound on December 5, but I guess I will have to.

BFP! BFP! BFP! BFP! BFP!

So, I swore to Wisesister when she went with me to CVS to buy pregnancy tests that I wouldn't be that crazy lady who tortured herself by taking a million pregnancy tests. It turns out that I lied.

Sunday was six days past transfer, and by 5 PM I couldn't stop myself from peeing on a stick. Luckily, I was rewarded with a nice pink line. It's faint in the picture, but I swear it is there. It is about half as dark as the control line. I repeated my tests in the afternoon on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. The only day that was really crazy to do was Wednesday, since I had already gotten the call from my RE that we were BFP according to the blood test. My HCG was 112, so that's good according to the nurse--I have zero frame of reference on this one.

Tuesday did freak me out because the line faded visibly from Monday, but I'm ninety percent sure it was because I chugged some water in order to try to pee again in a short period of time. I was done in by my over-hydration.

Since the only experiences that I've ever had with conceiving have ended with a BFN or a chemical pregnancy, I'm feeling decidedly anxious. However, always a believer in positive thinking, I am just chanting to myself BFP! BFP! BFP! all day long as I anxiously await the results from my beta HCG tomorrow to see if things are indeed rising the way they should.

Join me now: BFP! BFP! BFP! BFP! BFP!