When you least expect it...

Here's a post that I wrote back on December 14, 2014:

As I grieved the loss of our miscarriage a few months ago, my sister told me that I could accept that this was it--that we were to be a family of three--but that she refused to accept it. She was convinced that we would end up pregnant when we least expected it. She imagined that our son would be headed off to college when we became pregnant. Her first prediction was right. Her second? Not as accurate.

The ACOG suggests you wait three months after a miscarriage to try to conceive again. Three separate doctors have reviewed our records and indicated that it is highly unlikely that we could ever conceive without intervention. Two doctors want me on Lovenox, a powerful blood thinner, when I am pregnant to prevent clots and loss. I had decided to take some time off of my prenatal vitamin and go back on caffeine and alcohol pretty hard for me. I was definitely not expecting a late period just one month after my cycle reset. Nor did I expect an elicit run to the drug store while on vacation with my in laws. Nor a positive pregnancy test while bathing our son.

Holy shit! We are pregnant, and we definitely didn't expect it.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good:

We're rolling on down to our FET. Just one more procedure stands in our way, a mock transfer. Other than having to fill and hold your bladder, that's an easy and comfortable procedure, relative to everything else. We're on track for a FET during the week of August 11-14, which would put us on track for an early May baby! The best part of the timing is that both Wisehubby and myself are off work for the last time before school starts up that week. Couldn't be better!

The Bad:

Dr. B's bedside manner, or lack thereof, just continues to astound me. If he wasn't "holding our embryo hostage" as Wisehubby puts it, we'd be working with another doctor. I was there for a hysteroscopy exactly a week ago, and he didn't remember. It's fine if you don't remember, but at least look at my chart in advance of the appointment, dumb ass. He also asked about 10 questions that we paid $50 copay to answer about one month ago, and he also didn't read his notes from that appointment. Ugh.

The Ugly:

I had to get a script for Lovenox today. Joy. As much as I look forward for the possibility of another pregnancy and Wisebaby, I do not look forward to a daily injection of blood thinner. It's the ugliest aspect of this whole thing.

Sick and tired

It's official: I am sick and tired. Not of being pregnant, although that is certainly contributing to the tired aspect. I'm actually sick, like porcupines have danced in my throat and the mucus is trying to drown me slowly sick. It came on fast, but I chose wisely to go see my doctor and get a note off from work for today--Merry Christmas!

Anyway, in all of this complaining about my upper respiratory infection, I actually do have some updates on the pregnancy front. We went to our first regular obstetric appointment on Wednesday, at exactly 9 weeks pregnant. Since we had an ultrasound at week 7 and everything looked great, this was just a vaginal exam and culture and a chance to talk with Dr. B about what to expect over the next seven months. Yes, we're only seven months away from the arrival of Wisebaby! Eek!

I was hoping that she would say that I could stop Crinone, but, to no avail, I have ten more days of the nasty stuff. I was also hoping that she would agree with the OBs of my fellow heterozygous Factor V'ers (Wisesister and my bestie from HS) and take me off of Lovenox. That was also to no avail. I appreciate the caution, as I don't want to lose Wisebaby or end up with some sort of life-endangering clot myself. I don't appreciate the fact that I will have been on Lovenox for almost a calendar year when this is all said and done. It's expensive; it's painful; it makes me want to cry a little.

On the Factor V front, the other thing that Dr. B wants to do is schedule an inducement for week 38-39 so that she can switch me to Heparin, which is a twice a day blood thinner, a few weeks before my delivery, and then off of it, timed perfectly, for delivery. As she said, she'd rather control the situation to preserve my cardio-pulmonary system and protect Wisebaby. Again, I appreciate that, but it will definitely be a different experience than the one that I had in my head. Of course, I don't know why I should have expected anything different since nothing about our Quest for Wisebaby has played out the way it should have.

So, Wisebaby is due on July 24, so his/her arrival should be scheduled sometime between July 10-17, just in time for my niece's third birthday. Until then, I'm going to hope to continue to be tired for then next few weeks, but praying that I won't get any more sick.

Thanksgiving

After ninety-three shots, I am starting to believe that this pregnancy thing might just stick. This cycle went so much more smoothly than the last one; not just because it actually worked, but for several other reasons. I am so thankful for the following changes in circumstances:

1. We didn't have any major home repairs crop up during this IVF cycle.
2. I wasn't taking graduate classes.
3. My new boss is very easy going, so taking personal days and getting a substitute didn't stress me out.
4. Someone--or many someones--in every aspect of my life (work, church, family, friends) knew about our cycle. Having people asking after you makes dealing with an exciting and stressful situation more pleasant. 
5. As much as I bitched about Lovenox, it is relieving to know that the male Dr. B crossed every t and dotted every i in order to make this cycle perfect. Factor V probably didn't cause my early miscarriage or failed IVF cycle, but it definitely won't be the complication in this pregnancy.
6. Wisehubby bravely put his balls on the line in order to get an improvement in his sperm quality that is barely quantifiable. There is no way of knowing how important this factor was, but we got much better quality embryos this cycle.
7. Dr. B reduced my stimulation drugs down. I felt much less uncomfortable throughout the process, and we got fewer and healthier eggs.
8. Wisehubby was even sweeter this time than last, which I didn't think was possible.
9. Dr. B helped us with the costs of the lab, which is especially good considering the cost of the Crinone and Lovenox prescriptions is outrageous! Crinone costs $263 and Lovenox costs $200. The pharmacist at Walmart keeps asking if I really want my prescriptions. Uh, yeah!
10. We got a frostie! Having a frozen blastocyst takes a lot of pressure off of the transferred ones. We probably couldn't afford another fresh cycle for a few years, so it is great to know we've got a back up hanging out in a lab down the road.
11. So many of my infertile friendships are also in a good place right now. IWF, Dear Friend, and MyLazyOvaries (Twitter friend) all have had BFPs, and that is such a wonderful thing. 

Injecting the crazy - Side effects

I started stimulating with injectable hormones last night, and have already given my dosage for tonight. Last year, I took Lupron in the mornings and Follistim in the evenings. This year, my protocol is Lupron in the mornings, Follistim and Menopur in the evenings, and Lovenox at bed time. I suppose that I could switch Lovenox to the evening time period, but man, it burns like hell and I don't think I could stomach it as shot number three.

Here are my feelings so far on side effects:

• Lupron (prevents ovulation) - Though everyone on message boards bitches about Lupron headaches, I don't know if I've ever gotten one. I get sinus headaches all the time, so there could have been many a Lupron headache lurking in disguise that I just attributed to other things. I can tell you that my left eye has been twitching, but I don't think that has to do with the hormones so much as the stress.
• Follistim (stimulates ovaries) - Last year I took this and my only effect was really heavy, sore ovaries, which is the intended effect. It's not comfortable, but it is what I signed up for.
• Menopur (stimulates ovaries) - Everyone on the internets complains about how it burns, but these people have clearly never taken Lovenox. I did have the most amazing nausea and stabbing stomach pains this morning, which I am chalking up to the Menopur, as I did not experience this last year. It was so bad that I went to our school nurse to get my temperature taken, worried that I'd contracted a virus. Nope, it was just all the crazy I've been injecting into my system. "Oh, well, it's the new medicine I am on, I suppose," I tell the nurse. 
• Lovenox (prevents blood clots) - HOLY MOTHER OF WHATEVER! Have I complained about this to you yet? No? Well, let me rectify the situation. Lovenox is the devil shot. It is putting me off of shots all together, which is not good. Not only does it stab like a @#$%@# when you inject it, but once you finish it burns and aches for a good thirty minutes while the medicine creeps slowly around your abdomen. Enjoy! I had to tell my friend, Dr. B the hematologist, that he should give it a try sometime before he decides to prescribe it again. It is pure evil. "I'm so glad that I found out that I have a genetic blood disorder," said no one ever.

Today, I felt pretty normal, but after my second injection, I immeadiately felt my ovaries. It is a very distinct feeling, this noticing an organ that you don't normally notice, so it could just be the medicine I'm injecting, or it could be that I'm injecting a dose of crazy. Only time will tell.

Thirty-two Shots and Counting

I'm thirty-two shots into this IVF cycle, and we still haven't started stimulation. It's just making me really tired; the stress is exhausting and both Lovenox and Lupron list tiredness as common side effects.  In fact, if you Google Lovenox, two suggested searches are, "Lovenox burns like hell," and "Lovenox fog". I have spent a disturbing amount of time in the last week since I started Lupron in combination with Lovenox staring at my computer screen, attempting to will my brain to work productively.

I've stopped the birth control pills, so I should start my period tomorrow or Friday. Once I do, I can set up a plan for when to start stimulating with Menopur and Follistim, putting my daily shot count up to 4. I was looking over my timeline from last year, and it looks like we'll have the retrieval and transfer in about three weeks.

Sorry this one is not a witty or even compelling post. Just sitting here letting the Lovenox burn like hell and put my brain in a non-witty fog.

Factor V

I've been joking about having a mutant baby for so long that I had begun to forget the horrible truth behind it all. I dismissed Wisehubby's morphology issues as mutant sperm because I was using humor to hide from the pain. Now, I have only to look at myself to find a *real* mutant.

That's right, I have a Factor V mutation. I didn't know a lot about this today when the male Dr. B delivered the news unceremoniously over the phone, so I once again was left reeling by his news. After reading a bit about it, I have a ton of questions, many of which I will get answered by my primary care physician, Dr. P--thank goodness, she's not a B!

Depending on the severity of it all, I might even have to find myself a hematologist, which is a ripe kind of fun because a dear friend of mine is applying for fellowships in hematology/oncology--his wife calls him Dr. B, but that's his first name.

From what I can tell from Dr. Google, I'll have to take injections of blood thinners throughout any future cycles, as well as throughout any pregnancies. This means that you have to be very closely monitored at all stages of the pregnancy, and many women have induced labor or scheduled c-sections to avoid placenta problems.

I'm just starting to soak all of this in, so this was a pretty dirty post. If you know anything about this stuff, please HELP! I'm a mutant, but I feel so powerless.