An email and a response

A colleague sent an email to our small group of teachers who specialize in the same subject recently that ruined my day:

"Just wanted to let everyone in on my week…

[We] found out that we are pregnant with #3 this week. :)

We had a blood test done on Wednesday because we have NO clue how far along I am, and turns out I am anywhere from 8 to 14 weeks. 

So…we have a sonogram on Monday to find out for sure.  I will keep you all posted.

TGIF.

Best regards,

[Fertile Be-otch]"

Then this today:

"Well, turns out I am 15 weeks along as of today, [our daughter]’s 1st birthday.
The baby has little man parts and we couldn’t/can’t pick our jaws up off the ground.  There is a whole kid in my stomach that I didn’t even know about for the past 15 weeks.  I’m amazed and shocked and really excited. ☺
Just thought you guys would want to know the update!

Best regards,

[Fertile Be-otch]"

I couldn't send the response I wanted, so I settled for nothing. If I was a brave, bridge-burning bitch, here's what I would have said:

NO! I do NOT want to know the update. I do NOT want to hear about how you are so fertile that you could conceive clearly without trying less than a year after giving birth to your second child. In the time that you have been knocked up not once, but twice, my husband and I have suffered through one miscarriage, one failed cycle of IVF, and one testicular surgery. I don't think it is cute or funny or kind for you to share. I want to punch you in the uterus, if you must know. Yup, that's about it.

Best regards,

Wiselady