The summer before our successful IVF, I took Zumba and Power Barre and got fit--not thin--fit. I didn't lose weight or change sizes, but I worked on making my body whole. I also transferred schools from a stressful work environment to a much more relaxed school. Finally, I graduated from with my master's degree, so I took graduate school off of my plate. In addition to the introduction of a blood thinner to our regime, I think those changes had a big impact on my mind-body connection going into IVF. I felt good about my body, and my body, in turn, worked for me.
This summer, I've been working hard to get into that good mind-body connection zone. I'm doing some extra work writing curriculum and teaching PD to earn money for the FET, but I'm staying mindful to focus on being the best me that I can be, and to let go of the things that are not in my control, namely, work politics and other people generally. I'm taking Zumba again, this time with my amazing 57 year old mom. I'm taking yoga for fitness with two girlfriends of mine as well. I'm doing everything I can to get in that happy zone for my baby maker.
Tonight, at yoga, I started to think back to some of the practices of prenatal yoga, which I did and loved. It was one of the best experiences of my life to become that aware and connected to my body and to my baby. I honestly miss Wisebaby when I do yoga now. I feel a little hole where he used to ride. So, during the shavasana pose, where I normally struggle and let my mind wander to earthly problems, I decided to think deeply about my uterus, to send my breaths to my baby, even though he or she is still just chilling out--literally, chilling out in a freezer! I did it, and it felt good. I didn't think about the drama in my life, work, or the chores that awaited me. I just sent breaths deep down to where I will hopefully grow our second Wisebaby. Namaste.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
We figured we had one on ice.
"Hey, y'all! Good to see you! Doesn't it seem like you were just here?" asks the male Dr. B.
"It's crazy, but we're back," I reply. "We figured we had one on ice."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That was the start of our next leg of the Quest for Wisebaby journey. It was maybe a little more lighthearted than our last IVF cycle, and definitely more light-hearted than the earth shattering news that got the whole ball rolling that culminated with our first IVF cycle.
We went in yesterday to talk about doing a frozen embryo transfer, FET, with Frostie, Wisebaby's lone surviving embryo sibling. Frostie was recently dubbed "Austin Powers" by a colleague who finds the idea of an bundle of human cells lying in a freezer, cryopreserved, a little funny. It's been helping me keep things light.
Anyway, the fruits of the appointment are this:
(1) Screening tests in July
(2) Drugs and FET in August
(3) Possibly a May 2015 baby
(4) FET is indeed a fraction of the cost of IVF with ICSI ($300 for meds instead of $3000, $3000 in medical and laboratory fees instead of $12000)
(5) The male Dr. B's bedside manner is still shitty, but he still respects my OB, Dr. B, and has a great track record.
(6) They're using electronic medical records now. Cool?
(7) I'm still on the hook for Lovenox shots for blood clotting. That sucks, but what can you do?
After the appointment, Wisehubby and I went to dinner to celebrate our seventh wedding anniversary and discuss the road forward. We both feel at peace going into this FET in a way that we didn't--or maybe couldn't?--feel during our last two trips towards an embryo transfer. We know that we have just one embryo to transfer, and that our track record gives that embryo just 2 in 5 odds of turning into a pregnancy and 1 in 5 odds of turning into a live birth. Those are shitty odds, and so we must face the possibility that we're about to spend $3300 to be disappointed again.
Why are we at peace then? Well, with an amazing Wisebaby in our lives, eleven months old and charming the pants off of us each day, we can lay this one more confidently in God's hands. We can pray for the expansion of our family or for peace if it is not meant to be. We can be happy being the three Wiseman, even if we'd be so full of joy to be the four Wiseman. It would mess up our Christmas cards, but it's a small price to pay. I promise we wouldn't sign it from Austin Powers.
"It's crazy, but we're back," I reply. "We figured we had one on ice."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That was the start of our next leg of the Quest for Wisebaby journey. It was maybe a little more lighthearted than our last IVF cycle, and definitely more light-hearted than the earth shattering news that got the whole ball rolling that culminated with our first IVF cycle.
We went in yesterday to talk about doing a frozen embryo transfer, FET, with Frostie, Wisebaby's lone surviving embryo sibling. Frostie was recently dubbed "Austin Powers" by a colleague who finds the idea of an bundle of human cells lying in a freezer, cryopreserved, a little funny. It's been helping me keep things light.
Anyway, the fruits of the appointment are this:
(1) Screening tests in July
(2) Drugs and FET in August
(3) Possibly a May 2015 baby
(4) FET is indeed a fraction of the cost of IVF with ICSI ($300 for meds instead of $3000, $3000 in medical and laboratory fees instead of $12000)
(5) The male Dr. B's bedside manner is still shitty, but he still respects my OB, Dr. B, and has a great track record.
(6) They're using electronic medical records now. Cool?
(7) I'm still on the hook for Lovenox shots for blood clotting. That sucks, but what can you do?
After the appointment, Wisehubby and I went to dinner to celebrate our seventh wedding anniversary and discuss the road forward. We both feel at peace going into this FET in a way that we didn't--or maybe couldn't?--feel during our last two trips towards an embryo transfer. We know that we have just one embryo to transfer, and that our track record gives that embryo just 2 in 5 odds of turning into a pregnancy and 1 in 5 odds of turning into a live birth. Those are shitty odds, and so we must face the possibility that we're about to spend $3300 to be disappointed again.
Why are we at peace then? Well, with an amazing Wisebaby in our lives, eleven months old and charming the pants off of us each day, we can lay this one more confidently in God's hands. We can pray for the expansion of our family or for peace if it is not meant to be. We can be happy being the three Wiseman, even if we'd be so full of joy to be the four Wiseman. It would mess up our Christmas cards, but it's a small price to pay. I promise we wouldn't sign it from Austin Powers.
Monday, February 3, 2014
We had a baby 30 weeks ago.
Thirty weeks ago, I gave birth to my son, baby W. For a pregnancy that was planned every step of the way, he was a bit of a surprise at thirty-seven weeks and five days; he came a week before my scheduled induction! My water broke all at once--a gross rupture, as the nurse put it--at about 4:00 PM, and we welcomed Wisebaby to the world at 10:15 PM. Despite the blood thinner, I was clotting enough to have an epidural, which was awesome. No other interventions were needed, which was pretty great considering it took 368 needle sticks to get the little guy gestated safely.
My college roommate recently shared her fertility struggles with me, and she's even started her own blog. She credited my blog as part of her inspiration to open up about her trials, and it inspired me to come back and give the site a little look. Of course, I realized that I hadn't shared anything since I was nineteen weeks pregnant, other than timeline updates, and that made me a little sad.
Of course, the last thirty weeks have not give me a lot of time to blog. Wisebaby is a ball of energy, a terrible napper, and a people person. That means we spend a lot of time playing, cuddling, and talking to him. When he finally does go to bed, it's pretty much bottles and laundry until we drop. Parenthood is fantastic. It is everything we had hoped for and more. It is our dream come true, even though he's been sick with RSV, developed an ear infection, and cut two teeth in the last week.
My college roommate recently shared her fertility struggles with me, and she's even started her own blog. She credited my blog as part of her inspiration to open up about her trials, and it inspired me to come back and give the site a little look. Of course, I realized that I hadn't shared anything since I was nineteen weeks pregnant, other than timeline updates, and that made me a little sad.
Of course, the last thirty weeks have not give me a lot of time to blog. Wisebaby is a ball of energy, a terrible napper, and a people person. That means we spend a lot of time playing, cuddling, and talking to him. When he finally does go to bed, it's pretty much bottles and laundry until we drop. Parenthood is fantastic. It is everything we had hoped for and more. It is our dream come true, even though he's been sick with RSV, developed an ear infection, and cut two teeth in the last week.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
19 Weeks
Every morning I wake up, say a little prayer, put my hand on my belly, and remember that my dreams are coming true. The bump is definitely growing; there is no denying that our quest for Wisebaby is more than halfway done.
Ok, so gestationally speaking, at 19 weeks 1 day, I am a few days shy of halfway, but our journey has been too long to count in weeks, so I feel more than half through.
Everyone keeps asking if I feel ok; the sonographer asked if we were always so calm. The truth is that even though we're 19 weeks into our pregnancy, everyday feels like a very special miracle, and all of the little annoying things about pregnancy don't even register when I'm watching my belly grow because of a little baby boy--that's right, it's a boy! I am too awestruck to be weepy or antsy. Just like on the day that Wisehubby proposed to me, I am mostly at a loss for the right words to describe the peace and happiness that God has brought into our lives as we begin to transition our lives into their next incredible stage.
Speaking of the sonogram, we had our anatomy scan and everything about our little boy seems completely perfect. On our 19 week mark, he measured a little ahead of schedule, 19 weeks 4 days, weighing in at 11 ounces. His head is on my left side, and he is lying on his back. There are four chambers in his heart, he's got a brain growing strong, his kidneys are there, the stomach is clear, and his cord blood is flowing properly. He's got two arms and legs, ten fingers and ten toes. He used his little hand to wave at us and then he stuck out his tongue. We could even see his little face. We're completely in love with this little guy, and all we've see of him have been a few grainy pictures and a glamour shot of him way back when he was growing in the petri dish.
Now that I've written this post, maybe I'll not have to touch my belly tomorrow morning to check to see if this all is real or not. I doubt it though; it is nice to have a reminder that your dreams are coming true.
Post-script: We're also 189 shots in! Sweet Wisebaby is worth every prick.
Post-script: We're also 189 shots in! Sweet Wisebaby is worth every prick.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Thirteen Weeks and Trucking
I keep hearing a few things from mommy friends of mine over and over again, so I'll address them topically.
(1) There is nothing like hearing the heartbeat for the first time. We got to hear Ace for the first time today! They didn't play audio of the heartbeat at seven weeks, so though we got to see the heart beating a mile a minute, there was something new to do today at the OB's. That was a good thing; Wisehubby is not very happy that we're no longer on the punctual schedule of the Fertility Clinic. I'm pretty sure he would have yelled had he not had the promise of hearing Ace's beating heart.
I'll be honest, I had a niggling fear that my belly was growing, but Ace's heart had quite beating. Luckily, that was put to rest promptly by the nurse finding Ace's heart beat loud, clear, and strong quickly and efficiently. Her little heart was beating 148, which is fantastic. I will say that we were much more emotional and happy when we got to see her little heart beating at 7 weeks, but I think that is an unusual experience that can be chalked up to being infertility survivors.
(2) Remember: You're not eating for two! I'll be honest that this admonishment seems a little insulting to my ability to comprehend fetal growth. I'll also be honest and say that this perceived insult may be heightened by my more intense emotional response thanks to sweet Ace and her accompanying hormones.
To that end, I am happy to report that I was 165 going into the IVF cycle in September, and from my experience, I tend to gain about 5 pounds of fertility weight during a cycle. The hormones and physical fatigue take a major toll on your body. So, I was not surprised when I weighed in at 170 at seven weeks. Today, I weighed in at 171 at thirteen weeks. So, depending on whether you're counting my IVF weight gain as a part of my first trimester weight gain or not, I either have gained 1-6 points. From what I've read, you're supposed to gain 1-5 pounds. All things considered, I'm feeling pretty smug about my ability to eat appropriately for my baby and avoid binging for fun on fatty and sugary foods.
(3) Try wearing a rubber band to make your pants fit. I'm sorry, but I teach fourteen year old horn dogs all day, so I don't feel walking around with my pants unzipped is a viable option. I have switched to wearing only pants with elastic waist bands. It means that I've only got two pairs of pants right now that are appropriate for work and the current weather, but I'm hoping my order of maternity leggings comes in soon so that I can wear some of my dresses. Unfortunately, most of my tights and leggings are no longer comfortable either. My uterus is huge and has popped out into a cute little bump, which makes me happy, but my pants no good.
(1) There is nothing like hearing the heartbeat for the first time. We got to hear Ace for the first time today! They didn't play audio of the heartbeat at seven weeks, so though we got to see the heart beating a mile a minute, there was something new to do today at the OB's. That was a good thing; Wisehubby is not very happy that we're no longer on the punctual schedule of the Fertility Clinic. I'm pretty sure he would have yelled had he not had the promise of hearing Ace's beating heart.
I'll be honest, I had a niggling fear that my belly was growing, but Ace's heart had quite beating. Luckily, that was put to rest promptly by the nurse finding Ace's heart beat loud, clear, and strong quickly and efficiently. Her little heart was beating 148, which is fantastic. I will say that we were much more emotional and happy when we got to see her little heart beating at 7 weeks, but I think that is an unusual experience that can be chalked up to being infertility survivors.
(2) Remember: You're not eating for two! I'll be honest that this admonishment seems a little insulting to my ability to comprehend fetal growth. I'll also be honest and say that this perceived insult may be heightened by my more intense emotional response thanks to sweet Ace and her accompanying hormones.
To that end, I am happy to report that I was 165 going into the IVF cycle in September, and from my experience, I tend to gain about 5 pounds of fertility weight during a cycle. The hormones and physical fatigue take a major toll on your body. So, I was not surprised when I weighed in at 170 at seven weeks. Today, I weighed in at 171 at thirteen weeks. So, depending on whether you're counting my IVF weight gain as a part of my first trimester weight gain or not, I either have gained 1-6 points. From what I've read, you're supposed to gain 1-5 pounds. All things considered, I'm feeling pretty smug about my ability to eat appropriately for my baby and avoid binging for fun on fatty and sugary foods.
(3) Try wearing a rubber band to make your pants fit. I'm sorry, but I teach fourteen year old horn dogs all day, so I don't feel walking around with my pants unzipped is a viable option. I have switched to wearing only pants with elastic waist bands. It means that I've only got two pairs of pants right now that are appropriate for work and the current weather, but I'm hoping my order of maternity leggings comes in soon so that I can wear some of my dresses. Unfortunately, most of my tights and leggings are no longer comfortable either. My uterus is huge and has popped out into a cute little bump, which makes me happy, but my pants no good.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Sick and tired
It's official: I am sick and tired. Not of being pregnant, although that is certainly contributing to the tired aspect. I'm actually sick, like porcupines have danced in my throat and the mucus is trying to drown me slowly sick. It came on fast, but I chose wisely to go see my doctor and get a note off from work for today--Merry Christmas!
Anyway, in all of this complaining about my upper respiratory infection, I actually do have some updates on the pregnancy front. We went to our first regular obstetric appointment on Wednesday, at exactly 9 weeks pregnant. Since we had an ultrasound at week 7 and everything looked great, this was just a vaginal exam and culture and a chance to talk with Dr. B about what to expect over the next seven months. Yes, we're only seven months away from the arrival of Wisebaby! Eek!
I was hoping that she would say that I could stop Crinone, but, to no avail, I have ten more days of the nasty stuff. I was also hoping that she would agree with the OBs of my fellow heterozygous Factor V'ers (Wisesister and my bestie from HS) and take me off of Lovenox. That was also to no avail. I appreciate the caution, as I don't want to lose Wisebaby or end up with some sort of life-endangering clot myself. I don't appreciate the fact that I will have been on Lovenox for almost a calendar year when this is all said and done. It's expensive; it's painful; it makes me want to cry a little.
On the Factor V front, the other thing that Dr. B wants to do is schedule an inducement for week 38-39 so that she can switch me to Heparin, which is a twice a day blood thinner, a few weeks before my delivery, and then off of it, timed perfectly, for delivery. As she said, she'd rather control the situation to preserve my cardio-pulmonary system and protect Wisebaby. Again, I appreciate that, but it will definitely be a different experience than the one that I had in my head. Of course, I don't know why I should have expected anything different since nothing about our Quest for Wisebaby has played out the way it should have.
So, Wisebaby is due on July 24, so his/her arrival should be scheduled sometime between July 10-17, just in time for my niece's third birthday. Until then, I'm going to hope to continue to be tired for then next few weeks, but praying that I won't get any more sick.
Anyway, in all of this complaining about my upper respiratory infection, I actually do have some updates on the pregnancy front. We went to our first regular obstetric appointment on Wednesday, at exactly 9 weeks pregnant. Since we had an ultrasound at week 7 and everything looked great, this was just a vaginal exam and culture and a chance to talk with Dr. B about what to expect over the next seven months. Yes, we're only seven months away from the arrival of Wisebaby! Eek!
I was hoping that she would say that I could stop Crinone, but, to no avail, I have ten more days of the nasty stuff. I was also hoping that she would agree with the OBs of my fellow heterozygous Factor V'ers (Wisesister and my bestie from HS) and take me off of Lovenox. That was also to no avail. I appreciate the caution, as I don't want to lose Wisebaby or end up with some sort of life-endangering clot myself. I don't appreciate the fact that I will have been on Lovenox for almost a calendar year when this is all said and done. It's expensive; it's painful; it makes me want to cry a little.
On the Factor V front, the other thing that Dr. B wants to do is schedule an inducement for week 38-39 so that she can switch me to Heparin, which is a twice a day blood thinner, a few weeks before my delivery, and then off of it, timed perfectly, for delivery. As she said, she'd rather control the situation to preserve my cardio-pulmonary system and protect Wisebaby. Again, I appreciate that, but it will definitely be a different experience than the one that I had in my head. Of course, I don't know why I should have expected anything different since nothing about our Quest for Wisebaby has played out the way it should have.
So, Wisebaby is due on July 24, so his/her arrival should be scheduled sometime between July 10-17, just in time for my niece's third birthday. Until then, I'm going to hope to continue to be tired for then next few weeks, but praying that I won't get any more sick.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
An Ace in the Hole
We've been calling our Wisembies Ace and Base over the last few weeks, and today we got to see for sure if one or both of them stuck.
Our sonographer was running behind, so it was maybe more hurried than we had anticipated because I needed to get back to my school by 1:05 for my sixth period class. She did give me a big hug and a congratulations, which felt so real and genuine Wisehubby and I both agree that she is by far the best part of our fertility clinic.
Anyway, the big news is that we have an Ace in the hole! One of our Wisembies implanted and flourished. We were exactly 7 weeks today, but little Ace is measuring 7 weeks 1 day, and his heart rate (131.58) is very strong. We could see his heart beating with no problem, and it was crazy that we could see the yolk sack and umbilical cord distinct from Ace's little blobby body. He measured 10.81 millimeters long!
We feel like we've been playing the long game and have finally scored; it is amazing to see that something you have chased after for so long is truly coming to fruition. We know that the weeks and months ahead of us are long, and uncertain, but we're excited for this next phase in our quest for Wisebaby!
.JPG)
Our sonographer was running behind, so it was maybe more hurried than we had anticipated because I needed to get back to my school by 1:05 for my sixth period class. She did give me a big hug and a congratulations, which felt so real and genuine Wisehubby and I both agree that she is by far the best part of our fertility clinic.
Anyway, the big news is that we have an Ace in the hole! One of our Wisembies implanted and flourished. We were exactly 7 weeks today, but little Ace is measuring 7 weeks 1 day, and his heart rate (131.58) is very strong. We could see his heart beating with no problem, and it was crazy that we could see the yolk sack and umbilical cord distinct from Ace's little blobby body. He measured 10.81 millimeters long!
We feel like we've been playing the long game and have finally scored; it is amazing to see that something you have chased after for so long is truly coming to fruition. We know that the weeks and months ahead of us are long, and uncertain, but we're excited for this next phase in our quest for Wisebaby!
.JPG)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)